What Is Peaceful Parenting?

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What Is Peaceful Parenting? 〰️

Peaceful Parenting is a relationship-based parenting philosophy created by Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist, founder of ahaparenting.com, and renowned author of several best-selling parenting books.

Peaceful Parenting is a relationship-based parenting model that is common sense, research-based and parent-tested. It is proven to produce kids who are happy, emotionally intelligent and successful in all areas of their lives. Who could ask for more?

I might blow your mind here, but when we parent peacefully, we don’t use punishments, rewards, parent-contrived consequences, or even time-outs. But don’t worry - peaceful parenting is NOT permissive parenting. We still set limits and hold to them - we just do it with empathy and kindness. Yes, this is actually possible! In my coaching work and home life, I get to witness it every day.

What research has shown us is that more traditional parenting styles, including authoritarian parenting that relies on punishments, bribes, threats and rewards, often don’t give us the results we want - especially if you have a more challenging kiddo. And then there’s permissive parenting, equally as unsuccessful, where parents may be super responsive to a child’s emotional needs, but don’t set any limits.

I truly believe that Peaceful Parenting is the “sweet spot” of all the parenting methods.

  • Peaceful parents respond with warm, respectful attunement to the unique needs of their child.

  • They manage their own emotions first so that they can help their children manage THEIR big feelings.

  • They set limits supportively and empathetically and coach their child’s emotions constructively.

  • They raise kids who are happy, responsible, considerate AND they have more fun as parents…who wouldn’t want that?

Parenting can be so hard…

We weren’t designed to handle the amount of stress we have in modern society, often without support of any kind. Most days it feels like we are forced to parent in our spare time, often after we work at another job all day.

This makes it hard to listen to our natural parenting instincts. We also hear loads of unhelpful and counterproductive advice, often without any scientific evidence to back it up. Things like, “Kids these days need a firm hand.” Or, “She’s upset - quick distract her!” We hear, “How will your baby learn to self-soothe if you don’t let him cry?” right after someone tells us, “NEVER let your baby cry-it-out!”

It’s a wonder any of us can ever decide which parenting style/method/philosophy is right for us!

The Three Big Ideas of Peaceful Parenting

  • In order to parent peacefully, we need to be able to manage our own emotions. We make the weather in our homes. Which means that we are the ones who set the emotional tone - and our kids learn how to handle their big feelings by how we model handling our own. To self-regulate we need to become aware of our feelings in the moment and be able to insert a pause. And then we respond constructively to our child (and their challenging behavior) INSTEAD of yelling, threatening, or punishing.

    This is such hard work and yet it is one of the most worthwhile and rewarding things you’ll learn from Peaceful Parenting.

  • Our children only follow our lead if they feel connected to us. Connection really is the magic wand and biggest secret of Peaceful Parenting. If you spend quality time with your children and build connection into your daily routine (because who can regularly carve out EXTRA time?), it can do wonders for your relationship with your child AND can seriously reduce problematic behavior.

    This is also where the joy of parenting comes in - connecting may seem like a chore at first, but quickly becomes the “sweet stuff” that’ll make this whole parenting thing worthwhile!

  • We have no control over anyone else - including our own children. The only person we can control is ourselves! So with Peaceful Parenting we make the effort to coach our kids - accepting all their emotions, supporting them to meet age-appropriate expectations and setting empathetic (yet firm) limits.

    With this guidance our children learn to WANT to do the right thing, as opposed to acting out of fear of being punished (which just teaches kids to try and avoid punishment). 

I’m here to support you 

on your Peaceful Parenting journey.

Photo by Hannah Spray Photography

I know firsthand how incredibly hard it is to be a parent, especially if you have a child who is just “more”. Peaceful Parenting can make all those jagged parenting pieces click into place. It feels good, it works wonders and just makes good sense!

Despite all of this, parents will always need support - someone to cheer them on, someone to be in THEIR corner, someone to listen to their experiences and provide a safe space to let it all out. As a parenting coach, I will be ALL of that for you. I’ll also provide you with some practical tools that you can start using immediately which will transform your relationship with your child.

For more information on Peaceful Parenting, or to figure out if coaching is right for you, contact me to book a free 15 minute consultation. I look forward to chatting with you soon!